It’s a snowy Sunday afternoon and I am a little grumpy because I can’t think of what to write for my blog but I want the company of people responding to what I think. There is a funny combination of shy and arrogant that doesn’t let inner life out and yet wants to be known. I think being older and also living alone increases ones experience of inner life. It is amazing the way your thinking never shuts up. When I went to school and taught I spent a lot of time thinking about the kids and what we would do and what would work for them, so my inner comments on life were not near as prominent as they are now. Now there is so much less need for anyone to hear what I perceive. So I tell it all to me. Lately I am thinking “enough already”. Self-doubt usually hides anxiety about something. Ah, yes, in 5 months I am moving. David sent pictures of the house. I love the one that shows it through the trees. Maureen Dowd wrote a useful article recently telling about how it is day two that matters once day one has been successfully launched. It’s day two that I am pondering lately because I know that no matter how carefully one thinks of every detail, life itself will introduce a new wrinkle. I am not much a lover of change. It takes me so long and slow to get in that once I am there I want to sty a long time.
2 comments:
Sounds like sheer introspective wisdom here. Nothing arrogant about wanting to say something that resonates with another. Especially for a former teacher who is used to being listened to. :>) And I know the feeling of wanting to write a blog post, but having nothing in particular to say . . . except mind chatter. That me right now.
And your move . . .someone will show you the way, someone who's gone through it and is alive , well and HAPPY. Passages!
I love reading here - your thoughts always resonate. I find myself saying, "Oh yes, and oh YES and yep, me, too."
I love living alone, but like you, the mind chatter and telling it all to me can wear mighty thin sometimes. This is a good place to let some of that spill out.
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